how soon is too soon?

well, we're a week into school already.

we're getting into the rhythm of packing lunches,

waking before dawn to get everyone up and ready,
and finding the best parking spots for drop off/pick up.

i'm officially ready for summer vacation ;)

just kidding.
it's been great, and i LOVE that the kids are both
happy going to school everyday.
love, love, love that.

we believe that God specifically placed us in these schools for a reason.
with all the homes we looked at,
this is where He has us.

i also strongly believe that it is our calling,
as believers in Christ,
to be a light in our schools.
i hear over and over about all the negative things happening in public schools,
and i want to be a part of fixing that.
shining light in a dark place.
isn't that what we are supposed to do?

in a situation like a school setting,
i think it's important to really focus on relationships-
both with teachers and other parents.
becoming friends with the parents of our children's friends,
and praying for opportunities to share Jesus
or just serve them like He would.

all of this has always sounded great, in theory.
and then we had jackson.

i've shared a little bit about jackson's difficulty in forming relationships with his peers.
for the most part, adults seem to love him.
(because he's the cutest little boy on the planet, right?)
and younger kids like him, too.
(because developmentally he's more on their level).

but in the last two years, we are noticing that kids his own age
do not connect with him.
it has been super hard for my mommy heart to watch,
but i also understand why.
he does not communicate in the same way they do,
nor is he interested in the same things as them.
especially the boys.
he doesn't like sports, doesn't like legos, doesn't like star wars.
sometimes we try to MAKE him watch things like superhero shows
just so he will have something to talk to the other kids about.
(and because jeff totally geeks out about his kids loving superheroes, too :)

last year was rough,
everyday watching kids go on playdates with one another,
and having none of the other children want to play with him.
again, i get it.  but that doesn't make it less hard.

harder in some ways is that i'm not sure if he sees it or not.
he will happily say hello to other children,
and doesn't seem to notice when they turn away or dismiss him.
but he has told me before that certain kids aren't his friends because they won't play with him.
so maybe he gets it a little?
not sure.  but i am waiting for the day when he does get it.
that will be a sad day.

all that being said,
i went into this year with heaviness on my heart for him.
i so want him to make some little friends to play with,
and in turn, for me to build relationships with.
i have spent a LOT of time praying that my jackson will have some great little friends in first grade.

i watched the first few days as he lined up at his classroom,
but didn't really interact with the other children.
he had told me owen was his best friend,
but then they didn't talk to each other...
i think owen just got lucky sitting across from him :)

and then...
while asking questions about school,
i asked who he ate lunch with.
"caitlin" he replied.
"she's my friend."

for two days i asked about who he played with,
and he always replied "caitlin."
i asked him to point her out to me when i picked him up,
 concerned that this was another 'friend' who he liked,
but didn't necessarily love him back.

so he brought caitlin over
(and she is pretty much sheer adorableness)
along with her mommy.
caitlin's mommy introduced herself and said,
"so we're going to be in-laws?"
apparently caitlin loves jackson just as much as he loves her :)

we sat on the playground for about fifteen minutes,
and i got to talk to her mommy, along with two others that she was friends with.
it . was . awesome.
because all this new-ness is kinda intimidating for me, too.
so having friendly faces and names to put with them makes school fun for me and jackson :)

i am excited about the new relationships that are forming,
along with the others that have yet to start.
but i am struggling with a question that has been with me since our move last year.

how soon is too soon?

in every new relationship i make now,
i question when to tell people about jackson.
if we are real friends, his diagnosis is important as it is a big part of our story.

do i tell them right away?
do i wait and let them figure it out?

my tendency is to tell them quickly because
a) i'm not ashamed of anything about him and this is who God made him to be.
b) people tend to have more compassion and grace for him when they understand him more.

i wrestle with the 'right' answer.
it can be challenging with jackson since he looks like every other typically-developing six year old.
but he isn't.
he thinks, communicates, and sometimes acts differently than other children.
we work diligently to try and teach him 'socially appropriate' behavior,
but at the end of the day... he is an autistic little boy.
he is going to be different.
and little kids see that.

so i wonder if the parents know,
maybe they can encourage their children towards graciousness and understanding?
i do not want pity,
and i also don't want to force him on other kids.
but if the relationships are already there... what is the right thing to do?
i'm not trying to make him the most popular kid in class-
i just want him to have some faces smiling back at him in his classroom.

God gave us a beautiful, kind, intelligent, sensitive little boy.
sending him to school every day is hard,
because i no longer get to watch over every part of his life.
i can't shelter him from hurt,
or provide playmates for him.
i have to send him off,
and then pray like crazy.

i pray that God gives him sweet friends
that will love him for the awesome little boy he is,
and that through those friendships,
we can develop relationships with the families of our school,
and make an impact for His kingdom.

and hopefully, i'll continue to learn how best to be his advocate,
his encourager, his protector... his mommy.
because this is all new for me, too.