thirty-three

there's a little game i play in my head a lot.

it's the ' _____ time ago i was doing __________.'

for instance, on friday at 7:30am, i thought

'six years ago, i was climbing onto an operating table to meet my first child.'

this last year, i've played the game in my head a lot.

and it usually starts with

'a year ago i was in fresno and _________.'

today is my thirty-third birthday.

i woke up this morning thinking about a year ago today.

i thought about what i wanted, hoped for, and wished would change.

something was stirring in my heart.

i remember feeling like i was standing on the edge of something,

but i wasn't sure what it was.

amazing how different our lives can look a year later.

so much of my life is different from a year ago.

of course, there is the obvious location change,

and the unending list of differences that has caused.

(house, job, church, friends... but you've already heard about all that ;)

this last year has also given me a child in kindergarten.

no longer working at a 'real job'. 

a change in diet and exercise.

the beginning of bachmanville photography (yay!).

sure, lots of my life circumstances are different from a year ago.

but what is most amazing to me is the change in me.

God has done big things in my life this year.

i have experienced him in so many new ways.

he has shown me a lot of areas i need to grow in,

while also comforting, encouraging, and supporting me.

he has proven himself as my provider, my redeemer, and my hope.

i am not the same woman as i was one year ago today.

hopefully i am closer (but surely still a LONG way off) to being who God wants me to be.

one thing this year has shown me

is how desperately i need God

and how he is always there,

in every circumstance.

so here i stand on the edge of thirty-three.

one thing i am certain of after 32, 

is that i have no idea what is ahead.

but i know that my God is faithful.

and i trust it will be good.

not always easy, but good.

and that is all i need to know.

hello, 33.

nice to meet you.

i think we are going to be friends.

(as always, impossible to get 3 kids looking, let alone smiling, at once ;)

so little, so big

six years ago i became a mommy.

six years ago i held my newborn son in my arms.

stared at every precious part of him.

felt love in my heart like i'd never known before.

six years ago my life changed forever 

when my first child,

jackson orian bachman,

was born.

these past six years have been an incredible journey.

no longer a little baby,

this boy has my heart in a way i cannot put into words.

from the minute we found out we were pregnant, 

we had so many dreams,

so many hopes for what his future would hold.

very little of jackson's story has been what we expected or dreamed.

but he is more than i could have ever hoped for.

though only six years old today,

he teaches me so much

about facing my fears, slowing down, and experiencing true joy.

in many ways,

this past year has been a hard one for jackson.

for a child that doesn't do well with change,

his entire world has been turned upside-down.

there have been a lot of tears,

a lot of things he doesn't understand,

but through it all he is brave and strong.

a new town, 

a new home,

starting kindergarten,

missing friends & family...

it all has taken it's toll on our little boy.

there are many days my heart breaks for him as i watch him struggle,

feeling completely inadequate to 'fix' his hurts.

yet even when life is hard,

he always manages to find his smile.

to try again the next day.

life may not be easy for jackson.

he frequently struggles to effectively communicate.

his peers oftentimes do not relate to him.

there are many experiences that are overwhelming.

but when this little boy starts laughing...

any cares you have are quickly forgotten.

there is nothing sweeter than the sound of his little belly laugh.

jackson loves reading. especially collections or anthologies of stories.

he just got his first chapter books and is pretty excited about them.

every time he reads aloud, i am in awe of his fluency and inflection.

he is working so hard at school.

he is beginning to add numbers together.

write 2-3 sentences at a time, sounding out each of the words.

practicing his penmanship

(which is not his strongest area ;)

moving to orange county has allowed him to experience so many things he loves.

he could spend hours playing in the ocean,

jumping over the waves,

and chasing the birds.

(jackson and 'flynn ryder' at disneyland, showing off their 'smolders')

he loves disneyland.

almost every morning he asks if we can go that day.

but he only wants to ride 'the slow rides... not the fast pass rides!'

he promises he'll ride them when he's 7... we'll see!

he loves parking in the 'parking schedule' (structure), 

and riding the 'trom'

  (the tram- which he can recite the entire speech the driver gives at the beginning and end of the ride!)

and it is imperative to get at least 3 maps every time we go so he can plan our route.

having always loved disney,

it makes my heart so happy to watch him experience such joy every time we go.

he loves CARS. maps. apples. getting the mail. his kitty, medori. wearing flip flops (with the strap between his second & third toe... so weird).  any sort of computer/iPad/iPhone/V-Reader.... if it has an 'on' button, he loves it. pancakes. singing. board games. shirts without buttons. swimming. riding his bike.  swinging. donuts with daddy. chipotle chips & guacamole. the brown building off the 55 freeway.  the hangars at the district.  having his back scratched.  all music. his gray pants. agent p jammies.  m&ms. magazines. texting his name to people.  fountains. the color brown.  eating meals 'not at home'. the wii. christmas lights.

he adores the show 'phineus & ferb' and his stuffed platypus, perry.

perry sleeps with him every night and goes almost everywhere with us.

he often is 'protecting our car'.

he loves instruments, especially the drums.

nothing makes him happier than getting to play on BIG drums.

he does NOT like change. yogurt.  busy rooms. mashed or blended foods. fast rides. the unknown. arts & crafts. having his teeth brushed. bananas. baths. loud noises, especially sirens. smells. 3-D movies (and he REALLY hates 4-D movies).  other people crying.  having his nails cut. bubbles.  anything new. the dentist. writing. being teased. waiting.

jackson is an incredible, unique little boy.

i do not know what his future holds,

but i trust god has big things in store for him.

my life is forever changed because i get to be his mommy.

i am not ready for him to be a big boy.

to lose his teeth.

to start calling me 'mom' instead of 'mommy'.

six seems so much older than five.

so i am trying to appreciate and hold on tight to every sweet second of his life.

because every moment with this boy is precious.

in jackson,

i see a daily reminder to me of god's grace.  

his provision. 

jackson reminds me that god's plan is so much greater than my own.

to trust him, 

because he has good things for me.

happy sixth birthday, jackson orian.

i love you to the moon and back, sweet boy.

jackson's 5th birthday blog

jackson's 4th birthday blog

jackson's 3rd birthday blog

owls, waffles, and wiggly teeth

this little boy is turning SIX on friday!

i found him yesterday morning up early, sitting in his bathroom.

he looked at me very sadly and said,

'mommy, i'm never going to be able to eat again.  see?'

he clenched his teeth together in an attempt to show me something was wrong.

having an idea,

i asked him to come close.

sure enough,

our little boy has his first loose tooth!

he's not totally sure what to make of it.

sometimes he is fine with it,

but other times he is very unhappy with the new sensation occurring in his mouth.

the news of the tooth fairy did perk him up a bit, though!

(bella is already trying to loosen her teeth to get the tooth fairy to head her way, too :)

i can't believe we are at the tooth-losing stage already.

one more sign of what a big boy jackson really is.

(jackson has a small spot on his front tooth from a nasty fall on a slide a few years ago, 

just in case you didn't think i brush his teeth ;)

wiggle, wiggle!

i'm sure he'll be showing off his jack-o-lantern smile any day now!

*******************

yesterday, charlotte wanted to wear her owl hat.

how could i tell her no?

the girls spent some time in the afternoon doing one of their favorite things-

coloring at their art table.

i love to see them hard at work.

bella traced her hand 

**********

march has brought the opportunity to see lots of friends and family.

last week we met up with some fresno friends at disneyland.

bella loved hanging out with aubrey rose.

then our dear friend, rose, came on the train friday.

i got to take her photos for her upcoming move to costa rica as a missionary.

we had a ton of fun with her,

spending a rainy saturday at the aquarium watching crazy seals and petting jellyfish.

(you can see some of her photos on bachmanville photography)

i snapped a few of the kids together.

they all smiled!

this NEVER happens.

and then we told them to make silly faces.

bella is SLAYING me in this picture.

i've got my hands full.

yesterday, jeff's parents arrived in town.

we love getting to try new things when we have visitors,

so today we headed to old town orange (love!)

and ate at bruxie for lunch.

sandwiches made out of waffles?

um, yes please.

the bacon, egg, and cheese waffle.

s'mores waffle.

pulled pork waffle

"grilled cheese" waffle

we are now big fans of bruxie!

the kids thought 'grilled cheese waffles' were SO funny.

we have fun plans with jeff's parents,

and then more family is headed down this weekend.

woot!

i love march.

and birthdays.

and paleo-cheating :)

********************

that's what is up in bachmanville!

these are my confessions...

a little glimpse into my head right now...

it may not always be pretty ;)

(but did i at least get you singing usher in your head?)

***********************************************************

since january, we have been really working on getting healthy.

we started with the dreaded cleanse 

and since then have been faithfully eating paleo.

i have had very few cheats.

and paleo, along with lots of time at the gym,

have helped me lose 10 pounds.

(i thought 10 pounds would make more of a difference.  we still have a ways to go!)

i'm not sure what happened,

but this last weekend i fell off the wagon.

the worst of it was this:

i did it.

i sat on the couch with a spoon and ate this.

not all of it, but...

a good bit of it.

oh guilt, why must you taste so good?

*******************************************************

it took jeff & i a good 10 years to figure out how to budget together.

we tried a bunch of things, but with the added issues of things like reimbursements for church purchases, we could never quite get it right.

we finally started the 'envelope' system last year and it was a life-changer.

it was so great to know exactly how much i had in each budget.

the issue with the envelopes was that i was carrying cash all the time.

and we had to have the cash to pull out at the beginning of the month.

and what happens when you HAVE to use a card?

or make an online purchase?

or go to target and buy things from 4 different categories?

enter in our new lifesaver:

the iPhone app EEBA!

it is just like the envelope system,

except electronic. 

and you can have multiple phones using it, 

so jeff & i always know exactly how much we have left in each envelope.

which is awesome.

unless, on march 12th, your envelopes already look like this:

yes.  our groceries are already -$7.37

not sure how that is going to work for the rest of the month!

the app is cool because you put all your budgets in with how much you allot yourself.

(i blacked out our budgets... just felt kinda weird putting that out there?)

if you  have leftover at the end of the month, 

the next month it just adds on so you can keep saving in one area.

(i like to try and save up my clothing budget for a few months to actually get to buy something other than a $10 target shirt ;)

you simply type in your transaction after you go to the store

(we have a 'don't leave the parking lot until you've typed it in' rule)

and the line moves over.  but sad news when it goes to red!

especially when you are in the first week of the month.

also note our kids are growing out of all their clothes, so....

that isn't in the budget either ;)

anyone else wish money wasn't so hard?  sigh.

but EEBA is awesome.  and may totally be just what you are looking for to keep your budget in order!  

or at least know where the money is going ;)

*************************************************

i have never been one of those girls with perfect skin.

in fact... i kinda hate those girls.

ever since 5th grade, i have struggled with my complexion.

i remember having a breakout on my wedding day.

awesome, right?

(thank you, makeup lady, for pointing it out to me.  as if i wasn't already keenly aware....)

minus my super-not-awesome first trimesters of pregnancy,

being pregnant or nursing seemed to really clear things up for me.

well, i am neither nursing or pregnant now.

and the last two months,

i feel like i am thirteen again.

in all the worst ways.

i look like a freaking connect-the-dot page.

there are days i don't even want to leave my house because i'm so embarrassed of my face.

i mean, i am almost 33 years old.

when does this end?

i have grey hair for crying out loud!

i feel like i have tried everything.

so i would love to know if anyone has a remedy that really works.

i'm up for whatever.

i'd like to stop breaking out before my children start.

i don't really want to share clearasil with my kids, ya know?

************************************************************

i got these in the mail friday.

i'm super excited about the start of bachmanville photography

have you had a chance to 'like' it on Facebook?

 i have big hopes.

big dreams for what i would love this to be someday.

but i'm also totally an achiever.

i want things perfect.

and right now... i know i'm not perfect.

i have a lot to learn.

and a lot of things i still need.

it is easy to feel pretty discouraged at this point in my 'business'.

 it all just takes time.

i just need to put my achiever aside for a bit

and enjoy the opportunities i do have.

and probably stay off of pinterest for awhile, too ;)

******************************************************

i love the bachelor.

actually, i love a lot of trashy reality tv.

(i did say these were my confessions.  stop judging)

luckily, our lack of cable or a dvr has really curbed most of my crap-tv watching.

it really is better for everyone.

but the bachelor/bachelorette is still something i just can't give up.

i've been watching since the beginning

(minus a few seasons with a prince and that creepy guy named charlie or something?)

i don't know why i keep watching.

they rarely stay together.

especially after this season.

i wasn't a huge ben fan going into the season.

and then courtney happened.

ugh. really? 

skinny dipping on the 5th episode?

winning?

i've got a pretty good idea who he is picking tonight.

which is fine with me... those two deserve each other.

but i admit- i'm most excited about the 'after the final rose'...

who thinks they are still together?

i think the whole 'apology' last week was to try and smooth things out.

we shall see!

anyone else have any thoughts?

sorry if you don't watch and none of this made sense.  actually- good for you.

emily- we'll see you in may!

************************************************

i have been entering like a billion photography giveaways 

on Facebook lately.

hoping to win some cool goods for my growing business

with no budget to buy.

i JUST got an email saying a won an awesome prize package.

SO EXCITED.

this day just got way better.

zits, courtney, negative grocery budgets and all.

(um, hello!  was i a debbie downer or what today?)

i have to give a shout-out to SPwebbooks on Facebook..

thanks for the amazing prizes!

you never know when it will be your day, right? :)

*************************************************

welp.  there you go.

a peek into my brain this morning.

i'm sure there is more important stuff happening too, 

but.... 

we'll talk about that later ;)

xoxo

shara

run, jackson, run!

`

last wednesday was jackson's big jog-a-thon!

the whole family came out to watch him run.

the girls even made special signs to cheer him on.

notice that someone started out pretty grumpy...

but quickly turned it around once the music started :)

the kindergarteners all lined up, waiting for the whistle to blow.

and they're off!

there's our boy!

 he was full of energy!

(please excuse the next few pics.  i switched lenses and accidentally flipped a switch, so they are all blurry. big boo!)

the girls didn't want to be left out.

so they quickly jumped in and started running, too.

 

jackson & bella ran 2 laps holding hands.

my mommy-heart just melted.

here are 2 videos of jackson getting his jog on.

 

jackson ended up running TEN laps!

a whole mile!

go jackson!

jackson earned over $100 for his school.

thanks to everyone who sponsored him!

after a good run,

the kindergarteners were rewarded with popsicles.

bella quickly took control of his popsicle...

 and even gave him a few licks! ;)

a pic of jackson with mommy & daddy

(thanks bella for taking it with daddy's phone!)

jackson requested we go to his favorite place for lunch afterwards.

how could we tell this face no?

jackson, we are so proud of you.

you are not only smart and kind,

but also a great little runner!

way to go, buddy!