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i love food.
really, i love to eat.
i love to cook.
provide for my family.
enjoy dinner around the table together.
except for one thing....
the great food battle.
i always said i was not going to be one of those moms that made food a battle.
and then i had isabella.
she may be the most stubborn child that ever lived.
love her to pieces, but the girl knows what she wants.
if she does not want to eat something...
it is not going in.
when she was little, she would just scream as we tried to put food in her mouth.
once it was in, she'd do the 'chipmunk'.
she'd leave it in her cheek for hours and would refuse to chew.
now, she just sits in silent protest.
the minute the food comes out of the oven,
she tells me, "i don't like it".
how can you not like something you haven't even tried?
she has a radar for anything healthy.
how do kids do that?
i really don't want to fight over food,
but she NEEDS to eat things that are good for her.
and now.... charlotte is refusing to eat healthy as well.
i want our family meal times to be fun.
discussing our day.
enjoying each other.
instead...
we usually end up frustrated.
not good.
we feel like we've tried everything.
currently, if she doesn't eat something,
it goes back in the fridge for the next meal.
so right now....
she's sitting with last night's chicken and broccoli for breakfast.
(she's sitting in the kitchen so she can't watch jackson's cartoon)
notice, there are only 2 bites on her plate to eat.
she will not do it.
i'm not trying to feed her squid and lima beans.
it's chicken and roasted broccoli...
not that hard.
so....
i need help.
suggestions?
what have you tried?
am i missing something here?
i want my little girl to be healthy
and love to eat good things.
we try to provide them for her
and model healthy eating.
we've even tried rewards....
i don't want to dread meals anymore.
can you help a mommy out?
We did the "two bites" rule with everything to be excused and finish plate to get dessert. We had a chipmunk too. Things just gradually got better. Unfortunately the results of parenting is not immediate. Get plugging away and she's inevitably find something else to be stubborn about.
ReplyDeleteOur amazing Timothy refused to eat 3-5, unless it was cheese, milk or french fries. It was awful. We created an incentive sticker chart. Every time he ate a specified portion of his food, we would give him a sticker. We made sure that at first the rewards were fairly frequent - and he predetermined the awards. We would make a BIG deal over foods he discovered he liked so he wouldn't fight them so much the next time.
ReplyDeleteSlowly, but surely, it improved...hope this idea helps.
Can you believe that out of ten children I only had one picky eater? But Let me tell you we battled. That picture of Bella brought back all kinds of memories! We tried everything as well including keeping her food til morning. I took her to the doctor for a regular check up and related my frustration to the Doc. His answer was very simple and completely worked. He said don't force them to eat something they don't prefer, but continue to offer them healthy food. Don't keep the junky stuff around as an alternative. Don't make anything special for them. He said kids know what their bodies need by the food that they crave (this part i didn't agree with cause some kids would eat french fries at every meal if allowed) So we decided to back off. And take another approach. We didn't make anything special for her, but I always had fresh fruit or veggies available. We had regular snack times in the morning and afternoon where she was offered some kind of protein (less grumpies if protein is consumed) like cheese or peanutbutter/celery, etc. At meal time we would give her a very small portion of each thing I had made and didn't make any mention of wether she ate anything or not.
ReplyDeleteOf course, now you might say, "well what about the stuggle with stubbornness?" Believe me there are lots of other opportunities to deal with that issue. I'm like you, I wanted dinner time to be precious for our family where we talk about our day and laugh together. (impossible to do with a stubborn 4 year old sitting with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face).
The one thing we did decided was to train her not to announce to the world that she didn't like that food. We found that attitude to be contagious. If one child made that announcement, all the others followed. (In fact one of my dishes is named "yucky stuff" because Hudson decided he like that "yucky stuff") So it was OK if she didn't want to eat that food, but she was not allowed to talk about how she didn't like it.
Personally, I had to work on making sure that I didn't get my feelings hurt because she didn't like what I had spent so much time making. Dinner time now is such a blessing. Always a time to talk about all things, always a time friends can join us for with no fear of confrontation, We laugh a lot and honestly depend on connecting with everyone sometimes for the first time that day. (teenagers are busy people)
Sorry for the long post, but I hope that helps you enjoy dinner again. Will pray for your family as we sit down at the dinner table!!
Trina
I know you don't know me, but I found your blog through a rabbit trail!:0) My favorite chapter on "food parenting" is in a book called "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee" by Wendy Mogel. It's a book about parenting which is based on Jewish values. It has really helped our family.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the Short mom (funny right? Lol). Trina and I got the same advice. CJ is the worlds most stubborn & picky wary. Worse than that, he was dangerously underweight. Doc said to not make food a battle cause he was just too small. Also, you never wanna pick a battle with a strong willed child that you can't win. "Do you really wanna die on this mountain?" We set healthy boundaries like... No sweets or desert EVER if you don't eat the meal you are served. No TV after dinner if you don't eat what you are served. I did secretly try to serve a larger portion of what he liked and a tiny portion of what he didn't (a bite or two). Like Trina said, I used other teachable moments to deal with stubborness and unthankfulness, etc... Battles I could win.
ReplyDeleteBTW Shara, you are an amazing mommy. Oh... I verbalized to CJ as young as 4 or 5 exactly why I was frustrated. I would tell him, "I feel like we are dealing with an issue of stubborness and unthankfulness. As a parent I want to teach you not to be unthankful, but I can't win the food battle with you. So, I am going to be looking for an opportunity to teach you / possibly discipline you later. It probobly won't be fun for you. Perhaps you can work on the issue now on your own. I think you are a big enough boy to do that." This actually worked a lot of the time cause it gave him the "reigns". Just a thought.
ReplyDelete