joyful

several years ago, i felt like Got put a word on my heart.

the word was joy.

joy is what i want my life, my family, my relationship with Christ to be marked by.

i want to overflow with His joy in my life.

i want others to see it.

but in reality....

too often, it is not.

especially in the last month,

it is hard for me to find the joy.

i'm not saying i have had NO joy lately.

it is there...

in the fun experiences with my family,

the sweet moments of worship at church,

or when i see my husband come home at night, excited about the ministry God has him doing.

there is joy in my life.

but too often (especially lately) i am allowing the 

loneliness & discouragement of life

to color my view.

to steal my joy.

to change my understanding of what God has for me.

the truth is that He is providing joy in abundance for me.

but i choose to wallow in self-pity rather than take hold of it.

or when i want to be joyful, it is ME trying to make myself feel 'happy'

rather than relying on HIM to give me the strength and joy i need.

if i'm really being honest,

i don't like myself much right now.

i know i'm not where i want to be 

(not in location, but as a person)

or where HE wants me to be.

joyful.

always.

through Christ.

regardless of circumstance.

and really....

joy isn't about ME at all, right?

it's about HIM.

this morning i was smacked in the head with a reminder of His love for me.

how He knows exactly where i am.

what i need.

this morning was the first morning of 'nurture'.

it's a mom's group at church.

i have been so looking forward to being a part of a network of women in the same season of life again.

nurture is basically the same as moms & more at the well

(which had a huge impact on my life.)

so even though i walked in only recognizing two faces, 

it felt like home.

for the first time in weeks,

i felt truly comfortable.

i went to the check-in table to register and get my table name.

my table name:

joyful.

i sat down and was greeted by my table host,

a woman whom i've interacted with several times 

(and already totally loved)

and my heart felt full.

i felt joy.

during introductions, they mentioned the table names, 

and how they hoped they might help define something God was showing us right now.

isn't that something?

i could have been sitting at the adored, or beautiful, or chosen table.

but i was at joyful.

and after 2 1/2 hours of nurture this morning

that is exactly what i feel.

what i realized this morning is that i cannot MAKE myself feel joy.

maybe i can make myself feel happy.

or excited.

but joy comes from my relationship with my heavenly father.

trusting in what He has done for me

and what He is doing for me right now.

if i can trust that He died on the cross to forgive my sins,

that He loves me unconditionally,

or that He is in control of everything,

then I can definitely

trust that He has good things for me.

'being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ' -philippians 1:6

thank you, Jesus, for this morning.
for reminding me that you desire joy in my life.
that it might overflow onto my children, my husband, my friends,
and all whom i meet.
you have not abandoned me; you know me intimately.
as simple as it seems,
thank you for providing a place for me to enjoy community,
be challenged in my faith,
and experience your joy in all circumstances.
and thank you for your gentle reminder to take my eyes off of me,
and put them back on you.

i promise

last week one of my dreams came true.

we bought season passes to disneyland!!!!!

we had been gifted some disney money, 

saved from our yard sale, 

and even cut our cable when we moved here in order to get the passes.

(i really miss bravo.  and my dvr.)

with so many friends and family heading to visit mickey in the next year,

we wanted to be sure we'd be able to see everyone who comes down south.

(and..... we just REALLY wanted them :)

we have had the passes for a week, and i've already gone 4 times.

the beauty of the pass is that you can go for a few hours and then head back home.

i even took the kids all by myself last week.

it was an experience.  i'm sure it will get easier with practice!

with such frequent trips to the magic kingdom,

it would be easy to fill my blog with pictures and stories of our weekly outings.

but that would mean (unless you are my mom) you would probably stop reading.

so i promise....

i'll keep my disneyland posts down to maybe once a month.

deal?

after all...

we bachmans have a lot more to share than just disneyland :)

yesterday late afternoon we took the 9 minute trip down the freeway 

to my favorite place on earth.

they have decked the place out for halloween

and have all their villains out and about.

we walked in and immediately saw cruella de vil

(funny since they had just watched 101 dalmations for the first time on saturday)

they weren't too sure what to think about her.

charlotte decided she'd rather stay in the stroller.

when i take the kids by myself, there are a lot of rides i can't take them on.

the 1 adult to 3 kids ratio is pretty limiting.

jackson really wanted to go on autopia last week, but i couldn't do it alone.

i told him when daddy came, he could go.

so after meeting cruella, he went racing back to tomorrowland.

the girls were NOT interested in autopia,

so we headed over to meet the princesses.

(last week the kids just wanted to ride the rides.  yesterday was our first character-meeting experience)

the princess line takes a LONG time.

but the girls thought it was worth it!

as we were meeting our first princess, jackson came racing in from the side!

just in time to meet cinderella.

she called him 'a little prince'

finally, snow white.

i have always dreamed of being snow white at disneyland.

considering that i'm 32, i think those dreams have probably died.

now i'm aspiring to maybe be a witch.

or a character with a mask.

when we walked out of the princess plaza,

the employee let jackson wear her cape.

so sweet.

we headed over to toontown since we had not yet explored that area.

we ran into goofy.

charlotte was NOT enjoying him.

check out her mean mug.

"why is this hat-wearing-dog holding me????"

jeff and i were ready to ride some rides.

the kids were not.

they spotted minnie mouse and insisted on meeting her, too.

well, ok.

i guess it is all about the kids, right?

jackson & bella are great at waiting in line.

charlotte is not.

she is either picking things up off the ground to eat...

licking the poles, 

running underneath the ropes to the next line,

or screaming when i pick her up.

fun.

i get a lot of this cranky face while we wait.

all the waiting is worth it when we got to meet minnie!

they were so happy.

even charlotte was mildly excited.

after that, we decided it was ride time.

we hit up some favorites in fantasyland

and then traveled over to adventureland for the jungle cruise.

afterwards, while eating our packed dinner,

(frequent trips to disneyland means packing sandwiches for dinner instead of buying)

jackson asked about 'big thunder railroad' which he could see across the way.

i asked if he wanted to ride it with me, and he said yes.

so i got to take my little boy on a roller coaster.

....and i won't be doing that again for awhile.

he was NOT a fan.

(yes, he's smiling through the tears)

jackson was no longer up for a ride after that.

in order to boost his spirits, 

we decided to watch the parade.

currently, they have the 'mickey's soundsational parade'

the kids were super excited.

bella's face when she sees minnie mouse.

be still my heart.

the parade has lots of instruments,

especially drums.

guess who was in love?

even mickey mouse was playing the drums.

(mickey has blinking eyes and was apparently mid-blink in my photo)

i love this little face as he watches the instruments.

maybe jackson will be the one who ends up working at disneyland.

(aren't parents supposed to impose their missed dreams upon their kids?)

it was a great evening.

so there you go.

a bachman evening at disneyland.

we will (hopefully) have lots more of those....

but i promise not to share TOO many of them!

come on down for a visit to disneyland...

we'll be happy to join you!

meeting macie

last sunday, my sweet new niece,

macie lynn frazier,

was born.

on friday, we traveled back to fresno to meet her.

she is just precious!

i can't believe my kids were ever this small.

(actually... i never got to hold my kids when they were this small since i gave birth to giant babies)

tiny and all curled up with a head full of blonde hair,

we all fell in love.

especially bella.

she was so excited to hold her new cousin

poor macie had her heel pricked for some bloodwork that morning

 charlotte wanted in on the action, too.

we tried to keep her touching to just macie's feet.

stephanie is just beautiful with her new daughter.

what a lucky little girl she is to have jake & steph as her parents.

we tried to take some pictures.

macie wasn't really into it....

but she's cute even when she doesn't feel like a model.

macie- 

we love you sweet baby girl!

we're sad that we don't live down the street from you,

but we promise to see you as much as we can!

we were in fresno less than 24 hours.  

it was strange to be back there, but know it wasn't our home.

it was hard to be so close to our friends,

but not get to spend time with anyone.

even family time felt rushed and crazy with 4 kiddos.

the kids did love getting to spend the night at gramma & papa fresno's house.

charlotte & daddy had fun during bathtime :)

in our traveling, we've discovered that charlotte is a HORRIBLE traveler.

she will only take a 40 minute nap.

(normally she naps for around 3 hours in the afternoon).

she wakes up with this face:

and is pretty much sad and cranky the rest of the way

luckily we didn't hit much traffic and

we made it home safe and sound last night.

today is our one-month-anniversary of living here in orange county.

we celebrated by watching the planes take off behind church this morning.

(the church backs up to the john wayne airport)

our next trip to fresno is at the end of october.

it's crazy to think how much bigger little macie will be by then.

we sure miss you, fresno.

but we trust & know God has us right where He wants us.

dreams DO come true

known

i've never been great at meeting people.

i never know what to say, how much to share.

i'm not super at small talk.

i'm much better once i know someone,

when we can really talk.

we are meeting a lot of great people.

everyone has been so kind, welcoming, and warm.

i've been able to have some play dates and even go to a (unbelievably amazing) birthday party.

i really like everyone i've met.

and i'm sure some of these women will end up becoming my friends.

but right now...

everyone i'm meeting is new.

no one knows me.

who i am....

my past,

my dreams,

my hurts,

my fears,

my loves,

my pet peeves....

no one knows shara bachman here.

i still feel like 

the lady who picks up jackson,

the high school pastor's wife,

the new mom that lives on stratford.

jeff has been working a lot, 

including several nights a week.

i am desperately trying to keep a positive attitude.

be happy.

enjoy all the good things around me.

today i hit a wall.

all i wanted was to have a friend sitting on my couch.

someone who knows me.

one of my friends that has been there, done that.

someone who has walked through life with me,

someone i didn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing in front of.

someone comfortable.

i know eventually i will have that here.

just not yet.

to all my friends back home...

i love you and miss you.

i wish you were here.

to all my new friends here...

 i look forward to the day when you know me.

always the optimist, my hubby posted a great post this morning you can read here....

on another note... these came in the mail today.  

good thing... i really needed a smile....

can't wait to put these on baby girl's feet tomorrow.

snakey-doodle

today my baby brother became a daddy.

i was 3 1/2 when jakie was born.

aaron & i waiting to go in and meet our new baby brother!  

how awesome are the scrubs?

i don't remember much about jakie as a baby.

jacob- 3 days old.... i'm not sure why i'm growling at the camera

we lived in twain harte up in the sonora mountains when he was born.

i was just bella's age.

(if you squint... it almost looks like bella with bangs in this picture!)

i do remember him as a little boy.

his nickname was 'crash and burn'

he was crazy sauce.

i remember giving him a really hard time.

isn't that what big sisters are supposed to do?

i thought he was soooooo annoying.

if only i could have appreciated this cuteness!  

we moved to modesto when i was 8 and jacob was 4.

our life changed dramatically when our parents divorced 2 years later.

 

my mom had to work to support us.

i had to grow up quickly,

and take care of my baby brother.

there were times i resented him.

i know i didn't treat him nicely.

i almost cut off his ear one day.....

 definitely no sister-of-the-year award for me.

my older brother moved out when i was in 5th or 6th grade.

this left just jakie and i.

i am so thankful now.

(jacob sporting the ultimate mullet.  and aaron apparently trying out for the secret service?)

jacob and i had to rely on each other.

we had to grow up quickly.

we didn't have a lot when we were little.

but we always had one another.

jacob was there for every big moment of my life.

we actually shared a room until the day i graduated high school.

we would stay up so many nights, talking about life.

how i treasure that now.

(first day of 3rd/7th grade.  why does my brother have a pink backpack?)

we may not have always gotten along.

but we have always been friends.

rocking the trundle bed. you know you're jealous.

and how about that sweet pre-teen glare i've got going on?

today, 

jacob is one of my favorite people in the world.

sometimes 

he drives me totally bonkers.

but most of the time...

i think he's pretty great.

jakie lived with us from 2009-2010.

in the same way i treasure the memories from our childhood,

i also am so thankful for that final year with him

before he become a 'big boy' and got married.

in march of 2010,

jacob got to marry his best friend,

stephanie.

i got a new sister.

and she's pretty amazing.

i love her.

steph- about 35 weeks pregnant

and just 40 minutes ago...

i have a new niece.

welcome to the world,

macie lynn frazier.

i can't wait to meet you!!!

jacob...

i am so proud of the man you have become.

life has not always been easy for you,

but you have persevered.

you are hard-working,

kind,

intelligent,

passionate,

and funny.

you love jesus,

your wife,

and now.... your daughter.

i still think of you as a little boy.

but really... you are a man.

and i am lucky,

 thankful, 

and honored 

to be your big sister.

i love you,

snakey-doodle,

my broder, broder, broder.

sorry for the grainy pics!  pics of old pics don't make for the clearest :)